she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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