I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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