I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
