smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
If its not for food we ain't going out.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
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