and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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