sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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