Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize
