it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
