May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
