my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize
