that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
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