Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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