He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
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