the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
