She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
