shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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