i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
