i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
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