I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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