Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
