i don't like sucking hair
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
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