I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Randomize