I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
