You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Randomize
