You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
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