Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
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