yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize