Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
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