I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
