fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
