I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Randomize
