It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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