So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
