when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
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