I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
