in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
