So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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