that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
