I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Randomize
