at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
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