I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
