I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
