I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize