I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
