You really coming over, don't trick.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
