this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
