1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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