he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
