I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
