we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
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