Just mADE A PArabola og urine
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
your like the ambassador to my penis.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
