i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
