Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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