What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Randomize
