I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
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