I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I checked into jail on foursquare
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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