I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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