I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
Randomize
