i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Randomize
