Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
