my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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