The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Randomize
