I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize