It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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