Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
