So drunk its hurt
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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