Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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