If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
you never un-have a 4some
not ubering you a puppy
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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