Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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