If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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