need another drink. this is the easiest way
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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