So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Randomize
