mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize